Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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