theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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