Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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