you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
