It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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