worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
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and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
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I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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