we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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