I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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