I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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