i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
