I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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