Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
