i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
