I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
operation harelip BJ is a go
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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