i'm signing you up for texting rehab
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize
