He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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