my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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