I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
