i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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