I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
third nipple confirmed
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
