highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
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He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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