Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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