My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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