Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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