I just saw a hot homeless man
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
