my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
