i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
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you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
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So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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