Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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