Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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