escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
