What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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