yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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