You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
