the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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