3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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