Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize