If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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