Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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