it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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