I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
