M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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