I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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