You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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