I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
