She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
