dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
