Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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