whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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