i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
