just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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