shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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