Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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