i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
