it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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