Who did Billy Mays play for?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
