honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
